What is life?
At the moment it is realizing that even seemingly small choices have consequences and repercussions. And being the non-committal, procrastinator that I am, I really don't what to have to face these outcomes. I feel like I am looking at myself through a magnifying glass, both examining and waiting to get burned.
I have promised myself over and over again in the past (and not so distant past) that I would not be the cause of someone else's pain again. I've done with that, no more, not again. And yet, looking ahead at the choices I have to make in the near future, I can not see anyway to avoid giving someone disappointment and pain. In my own mind, I know what I am going to do when the situations arise, but I am almost sick at the thought of facing them. I am weak and scared, and all I want to do is run and hide.

Sunlight is fading from the hills
and I am trying to remember how to be happy.
Lines of shadow darken, color fades
I sift through memories
as so many recipes in an old kitchen drawer
looking for the one that will tell me
the ingredients I lack.
Cool air and quiet slowly saturate my haunt
and I grasp for words I will never utter aloud.